Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
