So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She's JV to your varsity
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
