So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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