Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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