Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
