they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
