hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Barsexuality is the new black.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
