even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
