He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
