i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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