I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
