Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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