She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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