mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
