I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
