Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
