Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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