I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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