Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
