Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
