I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
