is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
