Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There r osticjed everywhere
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
