Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
