Betty ford says i'm here all night
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
