you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
