ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
