Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
