man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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