I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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