can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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