so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
