haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
