Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
