Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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