Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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