i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
