Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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