Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
