I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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