you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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