She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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