I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize