Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize