Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
