but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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