Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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