you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
