I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
