i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize