He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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