Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
