Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Acid is not a monday night drug
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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