i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When are your genitals available?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
