I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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