the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
