she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
