On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you would pick up someone in the library
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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