I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
