I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
