I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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