I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
