It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
