he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
