I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
