The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
