I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
