No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
