i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i drank out of a bidet.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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