A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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