Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
