Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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