In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can I color on your dick again?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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