I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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