I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
