dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have fence marks all over my body
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
