I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We left the knife in your bed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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