One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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