yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
