How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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